Confessions of an overeater

This is probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. To admit my mistakes in front of all my closest friends and family. But you know, it's not like no one has noticed. Looking back on the five years of my marriage, I can honestly I say I have been blissfully happy...except for my poor self image. When I am totally honest with myself I cannot believe that I have gained 70 pounds in that time and have tipped the scales at an astounding 250 lbs.

I cannot even believe the adrenaline that is pumping through my system as I am writing this. I have always told myself "You need to lose weight, you need to lose weight." Probably the thing that hit me the hardest was the first talk of the Saturday session of General Conference. He asked us to get out of our addictions and he actually named food as one of them. That stopped me dead in my tracks. You know how you can hear that same thing a million times by a million different people and it takes that one moment and that one person for you to feel like they're specifically talking to you? That's what it felt like....he was looking directly into my eyes and telling me that I had an addiction to food and that I needed to overcome it.

I have been doing research on the subject for several months, reading books and watching anything I could get my hands on about success stories and failures. I have been on and off of Weight Watcher's for years, and I've realized that it's not about eating right and exercising for me. Sure, those things are essential for actually losing weight, but my problem is not about that. It's about what I tell myself in my head. It's about how I justify eating the whole pie or not working out that day. I'm an avid Biggest Loser fan and can't believe some of the things that I see those people accomplish. They are truly an inspiration. Even yesterday, Kirstie Alley was on Oprah and I couldn't help but think of how these women have struggled with it their whole lives as I have and as I have come to realize I always will.

It really is an addiction. For me it's also been one I've struggled with my whole life. Well, now I have a plan and I'm sure the motivation I need to overcome this. Not only do I have ways to cope, I also have inspiration from the people around me...yes, you my friends who also struggle. Some of you are such good examples. We can do it girls, we just have to stick with it. This is my chance. I've aired out all my dirty laundry and now I'm starting from this point forward to turn my life around. I've learned to say to myself...would I tell someone else the things I tell myself? Would I treat anyone the way I treat myself? I am worth it, we are worth it and we can do it!

I'm hoping to find motivation and upliftment by posting this on my blog (you have no idea how hard this is). I need some kind of accountability, and knowing that my friends and family sometimes check their blogs daily, it makes me feel like I am accountable to each and every one of you in a way. I can't say I'll post daily, or even weekly, but I can say I'm going to keep myself accountable and share my triumphs and strenghts and even the bad days because I'm countingon the fact that there will be some. But I will not give up or give in. I will not let this rule my life any more. It's time for me to live my life instead of living it in a closet binge eating.